These Are The Moments
by wispykitty
Summary: A sweet and slightly fluffy BradXSchu fic; Brad is woken up by Schu's sleepy mumblings, and spendsa moment reflecting on how little he knows about his lover's past.


Inspired by the Edwin McCain song "These Are The Moments"; and I don't really have much else to say. ;)  
  
These Are The Moments  
  
Just a moment ago, I was asleep; dreaming whatever dream had been in my head. But I am awake now, woken by something. I'm not sure what woke me, but as I gaze down at you, still sleeping, I am grateful for this intrusion. Your face so peaceful, all your cares and problems washed away. I look down and see a faint trace of a smile, and rejoice in knowing that your smile was meant for me.  
  
But then I notice your smile fades completely, and your head shakes slightly from side to side. I hear a faint whisper, words that I can't quite make out. Your breathing becomes shorter, and quicker, and it worries me. I watch silently as your body turns, and more words escape your mouth. While I still can't make them out, I know now that they are not happy words, and that you are not happy, caught in whatever dream it is that captures you.  
  
I listen intently, unsure as to whether I want to wake you or not. If I woke you, would you be grateful? Would you simply kiss me, and fall back asleep? Or would you be tormented, on being woken from the point of understanding whatever demon it is that haunts your sleep? I wait, maybe you will wake on your own, alleviating me of that decision. It becomes harder as I watch you struggle more, perhaps with some unseen assailant, chasing you through your mind? It is at that point that I realize how little I know of you. How did you grow up? What was your family like? Did something happen to you as a child, invoking this wild yet needy personality of yours? You are still mouthing words that I cannot yet make out, your whisper so low it makes me wonder whether you really are speaking at all.  
  
I watch you intently as your body shakes, and you become more evidently afraid of something. I wish so much to comfort you, to confront your fears and do away with them. It is at times like this that I wish it were I who had your power of telepathy, so I could help you in some way. Finally your words are loud enough for me to hear, although they nearly break my heart. No don't touch me, just leave me alone please, who are you? I'm hurt please untie me I'm so sore, where's my mother I'm scared this isn't my fault it's not my fault it's not it's not it's not and finally I can take no more and I wake you.  
  
Your eyes burst open, and your expression is one of fear and mistrust, and for a moment you stare at me like some wounded child, unable to comprehend whom I am or where you are. But that moment vanishes and my lover returns, and you smile.  
  
"Did you wake me?" I nodded, realizing that you probably do not remember your dream. I'm torn in my quest to learn more about you, do I inquire about your dream, or do I leave it? I want so badly to help you, yet at this moment, you don't need my help.  
  
"I'm sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have-"  
  
"Don't be silly, there must have been a reason. Was I talking in my sleep?" Your smirk, your smiling eyes betraying your previous state, makes me wonder whether or not I dreamed it all.  
  
"Well, if you must know. You were talking in your sleep."  
  
"Was I talking about you?" It amazes me that one could be so terrified one moment, and so comical the next. Do you really have no memory of the dream that woke me?  
  
"Did something happen to you, when you were younger? The things you were saying, you sounded so frightened. You were tossing about and shaking and repeating over and again about someone who was doing something to you, and you were asking for your mother, and kept on repeating that it wasn't your fault..." My voice trailed off at the end, after having decided in one split second to ask about you. It was now or never, and I did not want to go through life worrying about you constantly. Your eyes did not meet mine, and your head was hung somewhat in shame I'm certain. You said nothing, and your loss for words touched me more deeply than any verbal explanation could have. I touched your cheek with my hand, raising your head so you would meet my eyes.  
  
"I- don't know what to tell you." You looked so sad, as though it upset you that you had no way to express a meaning for me.  
  
"Just tell me the truth. Or anything you know of it. I want to help you, it is obvious to me that whatever may have happened, is troubling you deeply. I want to know of it, will you tell me?" Even though it was only a question, I realize now that I did not give you much choice. It shocked me when you flung yourself against me, and took to crying quietly against me. I said nothing, simply ran my fingers through your hair, caressed the soft skin of your shoulder, and let your tears fall on my chest. I did not push you for an explanation, and in reality, I did not really expect one. Finally your tears stopped, and you lifted your face to look at me.  
  
"I'm sorry, I know you want an explanation, a reason for my actions and for my nightmare. I thought they had stopped, and they had for a while, but evidently the memory has not totally left me. While I don't remember whatever it was I was dreaming when you woke me, I do know what it must have been about. But forgive me, for I cannot tell you. At least not yet."  
  
"But why not? I want you to tell me, I want to help you-" You brought a finger to my lips, silencing me.  
  
"One day, but not now. I'm not ready to tell you, not ready to face up to it yet. But when I am ready, you will be the first I would ever dream of coming to. I will tell you one day. Just not right now." Behind your confident smile, I knew you were afraid. You worried that it would not be good enough for me, that I would demand an explanation that you were not yet ready to give. I knew then, that if I did demand, you would tell me. You would lay your whole life out before me if I demanded it, even though it was not what you wanted. I could not ask that of you, just the knowledge that you would have done it was enough to assure me of your honesty. I wondered then what could have possibly happened to you to make you the way you are today, but for as much as it still haunts you; I believe it makes me love you more.  
  
"Do not worry, I trust in what you say. When you are ready, then you will come to me. Until that time, I don't expect anything more of you. Take your time; do not rush your feelings. I will do all in my power to comfort you, and to alleviate any of your pain that I can. Don't worry about my doubting you." I leaned in to kiss you, your soft hair brushing my cheek. As I looked down into your eyes, I was taken aback a bit by how they sparkled, by how much they shone through the darkness of our room. You lay down again; your head nestled by my shoulder, as I felt your soft breath against my neck. I settled in beside you, my arm wrapping protectively around your slender shoulders. I placed a kiss again upon your head, as you retaliated with a kiss upon my neck.  
  
"I love you Bradley." I was so touched by your words; I momentarily did not know what to say. I held you more tightly, willing my own voice to be heard.  
  
"I love you too Schu. I love you too." 


End file.
